Flavors of RPG

So, the podcast is still sitting here on my HDD. It's still too big to upload, because Monday & Tuesday merge into one hellish day each week because I have so much I have to get done those two days. Well, I am free on Tuesday nights, but I'm so wiped out and angry by that point that I'm sure as hell not 'working' on something.

No, instead, I went all kindsa foaming-mouth mad for the new Dragon Age expansion, Awakening. More on that in a minute.

I do love it, though. What I've noticed is that the more someone in a forum post hates it, the worse they spell, so I think the problem may be that there is in-game reading required, and the retards/teabaggers get all sortsa mad about this, and spam-post in forums. I wish forums had a spelling test before someone was allowed to post at that moment. NO. A spelling/grammar test, so that their bile became readable. YES.

Anyway, I was instructed to write about Final Fantasy XIII, and I shall now do so.

Had you broken into my house and listened to the podcast, you'd know that the first point that I made was actually about the soundtrack, which I acquired some time ago. It's composed, rather well, really, by Masashi Hamauzu, and ONLY by Hamauzu-san. This is a first for the numerical Final Fantasy games, since even Final Fantasy XII, which was composed Hitoshi Sakimoto, still featured a handful of tunes from Nobuo Uematsu, who, until Final Fantasy X, scored every bit of music to ever appear in a numerical Final Fantasy game.

The fact that Final Fantasy XIII featured NONE of the classic Final Fantasy tunes told me everything I needed to know about this game. This was a new beginning for the franchise. They were really and truly, finally, severing ties with the past and moving on. I wasn't thrilled about that, but given how much I've enjoyed the game so far, I've let it go.

This game is perfect for people who do normal things in the Meatspace, like raise children, go to work, enjoy other hobbies, go to work AND school, go to work AND school AND raise children, go to work AND school AND raise children AND bribe the wife for sex, watch Lost, etc.

The sections in between save points are short without being microscopic, and let someone like me just sit down and place through as many of these sections as I'd like. If I were retarded, I'd refer to them as 'bite-size.'

What I've done is actually use these points as an excuse to dive head-first into the menus and get my 'nerd' on.

When I first started playing game, I like, everyone else, immediately noticed how streamlined a lot of things were. The battles can run with minimal input from the player, the areas and story are on a rail, so I was worried that my favorite part of any RPG would be gone, but (phew) one can still spend hours in the menus just dicking around with the Crystarium, customizing Paradigms, tweaking weapons and accessories, and on and on.

I'll be straight with you, though. I have found the linearity a bit stifling when I play for more than 2-3 hours at a time, I despise half the characters, and I don't like it as much I like the most recent Bioware RPGs.

Lemme talk about the characters right quick, though. Okay, Sazh and Vanille, you're cool, so you can go. Oh, wait. Wait. Vanille, I'd like you to stop having orgasms every time you make a sound. It's REALLY annoying, okay? Thanks. Bye, now. Hope and Lightning, please cover yourselves in this gasoline and go stand on the edge of that cliff. Closer. A liiittle closer. Little closer. Okay. Now, please set yourselves on fire and then jump. Thanks!

That pretty much sums up my feelings on the characters.

By the way, I really want to strat a petition that bans English-dubbed female Japanese-originated characters from having orgasms every time they make a sound. You know what I'm talking about right? These gals make a waterfall of non-word sounds OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER, but only in bad dubs, like this one. Know how I know it's a bad dub? The girls, with the notable exception of Lightning, who is too annoying to have a proper vagina, all act like they have vibrators in their panties every time they make a sound.

Whoah. Went on too long on that one.

Oh, and some people have had a real problem with the fact that one must read the Datalogs to have any clue as to what's going on in the game. I understand their position, and might feel the same way if I hadn't just gone and read the fucking Datalogs without having to be told to do so. Aside from the game telling me. And not spamming Twitter with all kinds of inane questions. Nope, I was that one smart American.

Anyway, it is an odd choice on the part of the developers to not provide an overt context for the events of the game, but it is all there. Also, if you hate reading, I have some Dragon Age 'fans' that you should meet...

As for the story itself, I'm intrigued. First of all, there's not a giant underwater thing that gently rocks boats instead of smashing them to pieces named Sin who is secretly the greatest Blitzball player ever and oh by the way Blitzball sucks ass and now that you mention it Final Fantasy X was pretty bad well except the battle system but the story and characters and dungeon design were so bad as to nearly be illegal in some countries.

Second, I'm not as into the story as I was in IV, VI, VII, IX, & XII, but it seems to be getting there. It just really hurts that (so far) two of the characters are so utterly detestable.

Oh, and for those who want to know, I'm currently towards the end of the animal sanctuary / bio-weapons development.

Also, some time, I want to elaborate on here about the discussion Laurance and I were having about the parallels between Final Fantasy XIII and Mass Effect 2, specifically pertaining to their mutual streamlining.

Now, I'm going to refuse to let myself play more Dragon Age - Awakening, and go play more Final Fantasy XIII and then maybe some Perfect Dark...

What about you? What do you think of Final Fantasy XIII? Or, why are you pigheadedly refusing to play it?

-Blaine