Gaming & Acquisition Day

Acquisition Day is nearly upon us, so it's time to prep your gaming library for maximum fulfillment. You must be mentally nimble over the next few days to make sure that your gaming acquisitions are maximized for as little as possible.

Here's a fun fact: I never get games for Christmas. I don't want games for Christmas. If I get a game for Christmas, I know it's something I don't want, because if I did, I'd already have it. I realize that not everyone is as efficient in terms of acquisitions as I am, so here's some tips from the pro.

#1 - Scour your local gaming shops for trade-in deals. Sometimes, if you trade in toward a pre-order, they'll give you a bonus of some kind, or if you trade in a certain amount, whatever. Even if the preorder game is one you don't care about, trade in anything you don't love toward it, maximize that dollar, then sit on it.

#2 - If you get a game for Christmas that you didn't ask for, tell the giver a) that you've already received the game from someone else and will require the receipt to correct their thoughtlessness, or b) it's such a wonderful gift that you can't believe that it's real so you'll need the receipt to verify that is does, in fact, truly exist. If the game isn't from your game shop, see if you can return this game or games to your local shop w/ no receipt and add them to your store credit fund. Either way, move the value of that game into your already existing store credit fund.

#3 - Be careful how you open the games you do decide to keep. Leave any and all stickers attached, or in a state in which they're easily reattached. Make only minor slits in the cellophane or shrinkwrap. If it's something you can play through quickly, make sure to get the receipt from the giver, so that you can return it as new after resealing it and add more to your ongoing store credit fund. Bear in mind, though, that you're voting with your dollar. If you do this, you're essentially telling the developer and publisher to fuck off and never make a game like this again. If it was a bad game, though...they overcharge for most of these games anyway. A lower prince point would make you less apt to do this.

#4 - Now what to do with your lump of store credit? First of all, switch all your credit to something other than the game you preordered that you don't give a shit about. Next, evaluate what you want versus what you need. I know that most of you are the kind of gamers that buy any old piece of shit game (I've seen your XBox live gamerscore & PlayStation Trophies, and what games with which you've tarnished it/them, fucker.) Most of you are the kind of gamer that contribute to the greater problem by buying just about anything with flashy box art or a good review from Game Informer, IGN, or GameSpot. Allow me to stop you for a moment. You know how you wonder what sex would be like, or what it would be like to touch a bare (female) breast without having to worry about being prosecuted? I maintain a very high-quality gaming library while maximizing usage of my man parts with a consenting living human woman every single day. What's my secret? I dump all that store credit into game preorders, so that when those releases come around, I'm in and out the store so fast that it's as if I was never there, and the bank account doesn't take a hit, so again, it's as if I was never there. I look smart, efficient, powerful, and thoughtful, all in one fell swoop, and you can too, all by not buying shitty games.

It's the key to life, really, when you think about it. What repels women more than anything else? A man who repeatedly makes bad purchases and bad financial decisions. You know how you can easily tell how smart a man is with his money? Find out how hot his woman is. If you're pissed about how ugly your girlfriend or wife is, or if you have failed to acquire one, it's time to review your game purchases over the last few years.

That's why you should be more like me, and only make good purchases, but make it difficult to ascertain the exact number of these good purchases. Nothing gets my woman's motor purring like her finding out that I made another gaming acquisition using only non-liquid assets.

Additionally, a solid game library becomes an asset, based on the market value of each of your games. If you only have good games, then it's not that you're 'buying games,' it's that you're 'investing.' Consider Panzer Dragoon Saga, Final Fantasy VII (black label), or Burning Rangers, all of which have only increased in value. If you are shrewd about your game purchases, and vote with your dollar, and only for games with real quality, then not only will your gaming life improve, but you'll position yourself well for an attractive mate. When she sees you step out of your personal helicopter in the parking lot for the hot new wine & sushi bar, she'll know that you were incredibly smart about how you handled your acquisitions on Acquisition Day, how you knew which gaming assets had real long-term growth potential, and which gaming assets were best liquified in favor of financial gaming diversification.

Anyway, since this is a gaming blog, I wanted to share some pro-tips right before Acquisition Day. May your acquisitions be vast and your wealth increase!

Lemme know what you get, and don't hesitate to ask if it's a keeper or dumper!

Also, the End of 2009 podcast is going out this weekend, so keep your ear to the ground! We'll post it here when it's time! Don't forget to tell us what your favorite game of 2009 was, as well as what games might be in your 'best of the decade!'

Merry Acquisition Day!

-Blaine